A whole lot of sweat and tears..

I weighed myself this morning, 7 months after I decided it was time to take charge of my life and stop hating myself and my body. 7 months after I finally had enough embarrassment and shame. 7 months after I put away yet another pair of pants that were too tight, retired a belt that wouldn't buckle anymore, bought an EXTRA large shirt. 7 months after I spent $150 dollars at the grocery store and had not one nutritious thing in my cart. SEVEN MONTHS after I ate an entire bag of chips in one sitting and got winded taking the stairs.

I don't know what caused my motivation to get healthy at that particular time. I don't know what made it stick and made me fight for what I wanted. I don't know what was so different this time, but it needed to happen. Crying when I saw myself in the mirror, being disgusted with myself when I saw thin girls in skinny jeans, all of that accumulated into a drive to have the life I wanted.

The past 7 months has, by no means, been easy. It's been a struggle every step of the way. Anyone that tells you that losing weight and getting healthy gets easier is a liar. You just get stronger, mentally and physically. My eating habits were and still are stubborn. But little steps add up to an awful big change over time. Old habits die hard but new habits CAN and do form and stick. Sometimes I want pizza. Sometimes I have pizza. But a slice or two, not 3/4 of the whole thing. Change doesn't have to be drastic and it certainly doesn't stick if you try too much of it at one time.

Exercising is tough. But walking 15 minutes is a lot better than sitting on the couch for 15 minutes. Doing 10 pushups takes less time than it does to brush your teeth. Starting small was what got me through the beginning. The stronger I got, the harder I pushed myself. I ran mile after mile after mile. I wore out running shoes and blistered my hands lifting weights. I tried interval training, dance classes, cycling, and more. For me, it was all about finding what I enjoyed and doing those things to lose weight. The journey may have been hard, but I've truly enjoyed making this tranformation in my life.

I am like an addict with my running. I'd rather be running than doing almost anything. I get excited every day I get to go to the gym. I LOVE my new lifestyle and I enjoy how amazing I feel. I love that I can call myself a runner. A true, to the core runner.

I have to give a hell of a lot of thanks to a few people that supported me, pushed me, inspired me and loved me through the thick and the thin of all this. I know I was a bitch, whiny, cocky, rude, a million different things during this journey. My best friend Sarah became a runner the same time I did. She started running 30 second intervals right by my side. And no matter how discouraged I got, she was there to give me the kick in the ass I needed. She may have pissed me off with her stern words, but it was always exactly what I needed.  My husband Steve made me work out when I wanted to be lazy. He encouraged me, saying things like "just 30 minutes of cardio then we have the rest of the night to relax", or "if you push today, you get tomorrow off". I literally would not be where I'm at without his love.

Amanda and Trisha and Joe constantly encouraged me as well, always quick with a "way to go!" or "I'm proud of you". They will probably never understand how much of a difference that made and how much I needed them throughout it all.

And lastly, I never knew that this journey would make me a new and amazing friend. Kristina was Steve's friend originally, but her ridiculous laugh and outgoing personality instantly made me like her. We ran our first 10K together, and tackled Warrior Dash. We take classes at the gym, run, and lift weights together. She has made this whole thing one million times easier, knowing she is fighting through just like me. I'm so glad I've had her by my side and I'm lucky to have her as a friend.

Good lord this became a long blog but really, it needed to be written. I weighed 183.7 pounds at the start of all this. I'm not ashamed to say it now, because I've changed. I weighed in at 143.5 this morning. And the funny part is, the weight isn't even the thing I'm most proud of. What I'm most proud of is the mental strength I've found in myself, the tenacity I never knew I had. I guess all it boils down to something very simple: Either you do it, or you don't. Either you want it, or you don't. If you want to change, YOU have the power to do it. All it takes is a few good friends, a whole lotta desire, sweat, and a nice cold glass of vodka every now and then.

Fosho, fosho. Get to it folks.